Who knew the RHOA had such depressing background stories?

Who knew the RHOA had such depressing background stories? I was looking forward to mocking their old faces and hairstyles, and I still will, but there’s a lot of sad stuff to muddle thrugh too. Somehow I’ll find the strength to skewer them. My life is so hard.

real housewives of atlanta nene as a kid 1030 
Not as hard as looking that this picture though.

Nene’s mom had her at a young age and wasn’t financially stable so Nene had to live with her aunt. Nene held a grudge against her mother but used it to fuel her dreams of one day making a career out of taking her anger out on others. She was a cheerleader, basketball player and member of 4-H in school. That’s an interesting combo. In my high school, the basketball players wouldn’t be caught dead cheerleading for football season and the basketball players would have flipped the 4-H tractor so that’s great that she was able to pul that off.  Nene went off to college in Atlanta and met a guy at a club. She discovered that he was abusive when they were at a party on campus and he pulled off her fake ponytail. He cried, she cried and she knew it was love.

real housewives of atlanta nene in love 1030 
Bam! My ponytail is gone!

A few months into their relationship, Nene ended up pregnant and he claimed that it was not his. Nene dropped out and went home. Her mom was prepared to reunite with Nene at this point but before she could get there, she passed away. After that tragedy, Nene ended up getting back together with her son’s father. They stayed together for five years until one night he took her from her friend’s house at gunpoint in a jealous rage. That’s just rude! He was arrested that night though and she finally ended things with him. Fortunately, this led to the eventual founding of her charity, Twisted Hearts, which served as endless fodder for those who thought it sounded like an 80’s band or a Valentine candy from Spencer’s.

Nene ended up stripping to support herself and she admits that she enjoyed it, treated the men like ATMs and made so much money that she couldn’t stop. Why do parents always make stripping out to be a bad thing? She ended up meeting Greg “through a mutual friend” at a “martini bar” and he pursued her until she gave in out of boredom. In other words, she met him though another stripper at the club and found a sucker. Professionally, Nene was in traveling fashion shows and she was skinny! I don’t think she’s fat now but I was truly shocked. Nene then got a part in “Fighting Temptations” in which she played a stripper. She was also in a few TV shows until she landed RHOA.

real housewives of atlanta kim z family 1030
I get the feeling that this marriage wasn’t legal in most states.

As a child, Kim was a Navy brat who developed her love for seamen at an early age. She was a good kid but when she got to high school, she discovered the joys of chain smoking and opening her legs to married men. Kim was kicked out of Catholic school for stealing an ice cream sandwich but it didn’t matter because she knew that she would be somebody. After all, she took ballet and jazz as a kid and got cake & flowers after her recitals. According to her, it was like having a wedding every year. FYI Kim, funerals have cake and flowers so let’s not get carried away here and 87 million other girls around the world, myself included, had the same dance experience. It doesn’t mean that you’re somebody. It means that your parents are hoping you won’t be a cow and it guarantees that for at least two hours a week you’ll be doing splits for a valid reason.